Judi Dench said the F word? It's more likely than you think. Recently I just watched a delightful movie call "Mrs. Henderson Presents". It is about a rich widow who, with nothing better to do, purchases a theatre and decides to show nude women en tableau. Bob Hoskins is also charming as the impresario who is chosen to direct the shows. All of this takes place around the mid to early 1940's in war torn London. If you have not seen it, or even heard of it, I recommend it for your next rental or Netflics do-dad thing.
Yes, it has been months and months and months since I've posted anything. I had gotten off to such a good start too. Well to tell the truth, shortly after the last post I had had an series of interviews and competency tests for a job which would have been great to get. I was amped and pumped and psyched and all those lovely words to get the job, which didn't happen. Rest assured I was still "on file for future openings". Yeah, sure I am.
Anyway, I vowed myself to go to the gym and afterward post on my blog. That turned into, tomorrow. Which turned into a week, a month, then almost seven months. Seven months, over half a year against wasted on feeling sorry for myself and spend on moping. I had also re-upped my subscription to City of Heroes, but thankfully I hadn't been playing as much as I expected.
However, now I'm in school *again*. I am doing rather well, despite my own intellectual misgivings. Math, while slightly remedial, is something I've needed to get my brain out of it's slump. It's as if the variables, equations, answers are helping to exercise long dormant parts of my brain. I am also in a medical terminology course that I seem to be falling a little behind in, despite the fact that I'm making the effort to study. We'll just keep trying.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Open the Vaults
On Role-Playing. . .
I have been role-playing off and on for the past twelve years of my life. That's roughly 45% of the time I've been in existence here on earth. I've had many different personae, but I wish to just recount and reminisce about a few of my personal favorites.
Part I
Talisen Armatugé: This gentleman had three incarnations. His first was as a purely textual being in the word of American Online Role-Playing/Fantasy chatrooms. We rolled virtual dice and had a gay old time. I remember posting a grand escape of his as a way to withdraw from the "guild" that he was currently in. With that, he and I vanished from the AOL community in general both character and Mun for a while.
Talisen's next version was as a silver-haired sorcerer in my first Dungeons and Dragons campaign run by a friend of mine in High School. He eventually went into Dragon Disciple but sadly the campaign was short lived.
The third and final form happened after this. We were all kind of bored playing a low-level campain, so our DM (same from above) had us roll level 20 characters. It was all great fun, Talisen became a level 20 Lawful Evil Half-Fiend sorcerer. It was great fun, except for the moronic, metal-loving dwarven druid (don't get me started). The campaign however, turned into a game of SimCity, but we concluded that all of our characters became gods.
Quilliant Armatugé: One of the most prolific of my characters I've ever played. He has had many different versions and existed on many different planes and games.
Quilliant first came about as an idea between me and a fellow camp attendee at the "Midsummer Theatre Camp" in Bloomington, IN in 2001. She was a hobby artist and was making a little comic strip about her socially shy wizard. She lamented that she didn't have a foil for her wizard to really get out and adventure and I suggested that perhaps she should have Izzy (not the real name) get an out-going companion. Thus Quilliant was born.
Quilliant that year became a new RP character for me when I went back to the AOL community, which had changed somewhat. It was all well and good, but I hardly remember any of it. Very general, mundane RP.
Then along came Neverwinter Nights. Truthfully, I never beat the actual campaign in that game, I just joined for the online aspect. There I found a server called "Dragon Coast" (not to be confused with Forgotten Realms' Dragon Coat, which I later found out). The community was amazing. And they embraced me as one of their own right from the get-go. Quilliant in this world was characteristic, intriguing, funny, bardic, and just fun. He also had blue hair, bestowed from some magical curse or hex.
Quilliant was my only character on there for close to a year. In that time he "died" four times. Each time (except for the last) coming back when I was ready to rejoin after a short break. The last time was fun as he had been turned into an evil undead minion for a demon. He ended up being destroyed by the epic level paladin Fenia (a drow at that). Anyway, I wrote that his good soul soared into the heavens, free from the earth at last; his evil soul was thrown into the void. So I ended my time there at the Dragon Coast. I still miss them terribly, but they have come and gone and I believe are now on the NWNII system with a different world.
The next incarnation hardly used Quilliant's name at all. Instead he went by "The Skald" a superhero that appeared under the atlas statue to help defend Paragon City. This was of course my main hero in "City of Heroes". I made so many friend's through that game, as I have said before, and they are all wonderful. Then "City of Villains" came out, a perfect time to incorporate a storyline from The Dragon Coast, "The Enchanter" appeared this was of course Quilliant's bad soul come back to terrorize the world once more.
It was all very fun, then about a year ago I thought I was leaving CoH/V for good, so I deleted Skald and Enchanter, thus freeing up their names for someone else to take. I came back, of course (as is my habit), but the names were no longer free. Oh well, all good things must come to an end.
Quilliant's last incarnation came as a bard who used two whips as weapons. He was alot of fun to play and the DM was pretty creative as well. However, when Quilliant burst into a magical fire and consummed the evil dragon army (its always dragons) and himself, I officially retired the name. The only place that I use it now is on my AIM name and my G-mail, though I am considering changing both.
I think that is enough for now, I have a few more but they're a bit shorter than all of this. Anyway, I hope you three enjoy reading.
I have been role-playing off and on for the past twelve years of my life. That's roughly 45% of the time I've been in existence here on earth. I've had many different personae, but I wish to just recount and reminisce about a few of my personal favorites.
Part I
Talisen Armatugé: This gentleman had three incarnations. His first was as a purely textual being in the word of American Online Role-Playing/Fantasy chatrooms. We rolled virtual dice and had a gay old time. I remember posting a grand escape of his as a way to withdraw from the "guild" that he was currently in. With that, he and I vanished from the AOL community in general both character and Mun for a while.
Talisen's next version was as a silver-haired sorcerer in my first Dungeons and Dragons campaign run by a friend of mine in High School. He eventually went into Dragon Disciple but sadly the campaign was short lived.
The third and final form happened after this. We were all kind of bored playing a low-level campain, so our DM (same from above) had us roll level 20 characters. It was all great fun, Talisen became a level 20 Lawful Evil Half-Fiend sorcerer. It was great fun, except for the moronic, metal-loving dwarven druid (don't get me started). The campaign however, turned into a game of SimCity, but we concluded that all of our characters became gods.
Quilliant Armatugé: One of the most prolific of my characters I've ever played. He has had many different versions and existed on many different planes and games.
Quilliant first came about as an idea between me and a fellow camp attendee at the "Midsummer Theatre Camp" in Bloomington, IN in 2001. She was a hobby artist and was making a little comic strip about her socially shy wizard. She lamented that she didn't have a foil for her wizard to really get out and adventure and I suggested that perhaps she should have Izzy (not the real name) get an out-going companion. Thus Quilliant was born.
Quilliant that year became a new RP character for me when I went back to the AOL community, which had changed somewhat. It was all well and good, but I hardly remember any of it. Very general, mundane RP.
Then along came Neverwinter Nights. Truthfully, I never beat the actual campaign in that game, I just joined for the online aspect. There I found a server called "Dragon Coast" (not to be confused with Forgotten Realms' Dragon Coat, which I later found out). The community was amazing. And they embraced me as one of their own right from the get-go. Quilliant in this world was characteristic, intriguing, funny, bardic, and just fun. He also had blue hair, bestowed from some magical curse or hex.
Quilliant was my only character on there for close to a year. In that time he "died" four times. Each time (except for the last) coming back when I was ready to rejoin after a short break. The last time was fun as he had been turned into an evil undead minion for a demon. He ended up being destroyed by the epic level paladin Fenia (a drow at that). Anyway, I wrote that his good soul soared into the heavens, free from the earth at last; his evil soul was thrown into the void. So I ended my time there at the Dragon Coast. I still miss them terribly, but they have come and gone and I believe are now on the NWNII system with a different world.
The next incarnation hardly used Quilliant's name at all. Instead he went by "The Skald" a superhero that appeared under the atlas statue to help defend Paragon City. This was of course my main hero in "City of Heroes". I made so many friend's through that game, as I have said before, and they are all wonderful. Then "City of Villains" came out, a perfect time to incorporate a storyline from The Dragon Coast, "The Enchanter" appeared this was of course Quilliant's bad soul come back to terrorize the world once more.
It was all very fun, then about a year ago I thought I was leaving CoH/V for good, so I deleted Skald and Enchanter, thus freeing up their names for someone else to take. I came back, of course (as is my habit), but the names were no longer free. Oh well, all good things must come to an end.
Quilliant's last incarnation came as a bard who used two whips as weapons. He was alot of fun to play and the DM was pretty creative as well. However, when Quilliant burst into a magical fire and consummed the evil dragon army (its always dragons) and himself, I officially retired the name. The only place that I use it now is on my AIM name and my G-mail, though I am considering changing both.
I think that is enough for now, I have a few more but they're a bit shorter than all of this. Anyway, I hope you three enjoy reading.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Fertile Ground
So today we planted our herbs. Currently they are in cute, little clay pots that are sunning themselves on my window sill. I have them alphabetically arranged just in case the paper tab I have marking them disappears. They are as follows: Basil, Cilantro, Lavender, Mint, and I picked up some Rosemary yesterday. Though the potting soil that I acquired this morning seems a little substandard, I'm sure they'll do alright. The window that they are in faces south and gets plenty of late morning through middle of the afternoon light.
I've completed a full week of going to the gym regularly (baring Saturday, a day for rest/recovery). I feel very good about it, but I don't plan on weighing myself for another week or so. On a lighter note (pun intended), I can fit into some of my old pants. I'm apparently a size smaller even though the measuring tape seems to lie to my face.
While I was out and about yesterday, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks, it's very entertaining. While I was at the checkout line I saw a Quamut display. For those of you unfamiliar with Quamut, they are a supplier of fold out guides for various things (French, Math, Yoga, etc). The particular one that caught my eye, however was for Etiquette and Manners. I'll be the first to tell you, I will always try to be polite and friendly, but the guide also offers proper place settings, business ettiquette, and some good "reminder" guidelines. My favorite section is "Etiquette vs. Manners." Manners will always trump Etiquette, if you must know. Better to be polite and improper than snobby and stiff.
Also, right underneath it, I found a guide to Stretching (for beginners such as myself). Finding a resource for proper stretching was my initial goal of going to Barnes and Nobles. After I had exhausted the DVD and fitness sections which had a myriad of Power Yoga, Tai Chi, and Biggest Loser: Boot Camp programs, I shrugged and felt I'd probably have to go some place else to find just a DVD of people stretching in the proper way without risk of injury. Yoga is all well and good when you have a decent amount of flexibility already; but when you start from Square Zero, it can be difficult. I want be a tad more limber (not to mention leaner) than I am now before I attempt Yoga. Hell, I get a burn from sitting down with my legs out in front of my and placing my palm on my knee, that is how inflexible I am. No pain no gain right?
Also, a month ago a friend sent me this. It gave me a great deal of motivation and things to think about.
I've completed a full week of going to the gym regularly (baring Saturday, a day for rest/recovery). I feel very good about it, but I don't plan on weighing myself for another week or so. On a lighter note (pun intended), I can fit into some of my old pants. I'm apparently a size smaller even though the measuring tape seems to lie to my face.
While I was out and about yesterday, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks, it's very entertaining. While I was at the checkout line I saw a Quamut display. For those of you unfamiliar with Quamut, they are a supplier of fold out guides for various things (French, Math, Yoga, etc). The particular one that caught my eye, however was for Etiquette and Manners. I'll be the first to tell you, I will always try to be polite and friendly, but the guide also offers proper place settings, business ettiquette, and some good "reminder" guidelines. My favorite section is "Etiquette vs. Manners." Manners will always trump Etiquette, if you must know. Better to be polite and improper than snobby and stiff.
Also, right underneath it, I found a guide to Stretching (for beginners such as myself). Finding a resource for proper stretching was my initial goal of going to Barnes and Nobles. After I had exhausted the DVD and fitness sections which had a myriad of Power Yoga, Tai Chi, and Biggest Loser: Boot Camp programs, I shrugged and felt I'd probably have to go some place else to find just a DVD of people stretching in the proper way without risk of injury. Yoga is all well and good when you have a decent amount of flexibility already; but when you start from Square Zero, it can be difficult. I want be a tad more limber (not to mention leaner) than I am now before I attempt Yoga. Hell, I get a burn from sitting down with my legs out in front of my and placing my palm on my knee, that is how inflexible I am. No pain no gain right?
Also, a month ago a friend sent me this. It gave me a great deal of motivation and things to think about.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Mana Cylix
So today was the first day of this new year of my "Full Workout". This entails me doing cardio and weight training. I actually had a great deal of fun. I got on the elliptical for a little over thirty minutes, did my upper body strength training for another 30, and then got back on the elliptical for 30 more minutes. I felt really good.
Also I have a workout sheet, that I'll be gradually filling out this month. At the bottom of each day (column) I'll have the gym attendant initial to say "Yes, he's been here.". It's just a small way to validate that I am making a change. I hope this works out. I have 100lbs I need to cut down by. I know I can do it!
Weight: 325.5 Goal: 225lbs
I gained some from last month, but only a pound. I didn't exercise much at all, so I was surprised that I only gained a tiny bit. Must not put things off.
Stomach: 53.5" Goal: ABS!
Waist: 47.5" Goal: 36"
Hips: 53.5 Goal: 36-38" (firm and sexy)
Edit: Woohoo! Two Pages!
Also I have a workout sheet, that I'll be gradually filling out this month. At the bottom of each day (column) I'll have the gym attendant initial to say "Yes, he's been here.". It's just a small way to validate that I am making a change. I hope this works out. I have 100lbs I need to cut down by. I know I can do it!
Weight: 325.5 Goal: 225lbs
I gained some from last month, but only a pound. I didn't exercise much at all, so I was surprised that I only gained a tiny bit. Must not put things off.
Stomach: 53.5" Goal: ABS!
Waist: 47.5" Goal: 36"
Hips: 53.5 Goal: 36-38" (firm and sexy)
Edit: Woohoo! Two Pages!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Rampant Growth
As I have posted previously, I've decided to start a garden in the backyard. Yesterday I went out to Meijer and bought some herb seeds that I'll probably be starting indoors before spring shows up. I only bought a few, which I actually plan to put in pots, I'll save the actual garden for veggies and maybe fruits.
Lemon Basil (Ocimum citriodorum): This is apparently a hybrid between regular Basil and African Basil. I hope to make some yummy pesto with this, so we'll see how it does. I just have to remember to deadhead it (pick off the flowers before they develop) otherwise the plant will literally go to seed.
True Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia): This should come in handy for giving aromatic qualities to food as well as supplementing the jar of Herbes de Provence I got at Christmas. Also, they are pretty.
Longstanding Cilantro (Coriandrum sativum): I love cilantro and coriander so I definatley wanted this in the garden. While I tend to cook for a rather unappreciative audience of this fine, aromatic herb I could care less, it's MAH GARDEN!.
Mint? (Mentha sachalinensis): The scientific name is a guess actually as the package of seeds does not give the actual name. So on "Mint" I've had to guess, but the common name of Mentha sachalinensis is Garden Mint, and there was no picture. However, there is a picture on the package, as much help as that is.
That seems it so far, but I want to plant some roses too. My grandfather has some of the prettiest ones, especially the Double-Delights which I've always adored. Learning to plant and raise those would be something I'd like to do as well. We'll see. I hope Spring gets here soon, I'm so sick of this snowy weather.
Lemon Basil (Ocimum citriodorum): This is apparently a hybrid between regular Basil and African Basil. I hope to make some yummy pesto with this, so we'll see how it does. I just have to remember to deadhead it (pick off the flowers before they develop) otherwise the plant will literally go to seed.
True Lavender (Lavandula angustifolia): This should come in handy for giving aromatic qualities to food as well as supplementing the jar of Herbes de Provence I got at Christmas. Also, they are pretty.
Longstanding Cilantro (Coriandrum sativum): I love cilantro and coriander so I definatley wanted this in the garden. While I tend to cook for a rather unappreciative audience of this fine, aromatic herb I could care less, it's MAH GARDEN!.
Mint? (Mentha sachalinensis): The scientific name is a guess actually as the package of seeds does not give the actual name. So on "Mint" I've had to guess, but the common name of Mentha sachalinensis is Garden Mint, and there was no picture. However, there is a picture on the package, as much help as that is.
That seems it so far, but I want to plant some roses too. My grandfather has some of the prettiest ones, especially the Double-Delights which I've always adored. Learning to plant and raise those would be something I'd like to do as well. We'll see. I hope Spring gets here soon, I'm so sick of this snowy weather.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Terramorphic Expanse
So this is my dialogue with my Fat. I think putting it here will make some of my reasons public, and maybe make me a little vulnerable. It won't give me an excuse to hide anymore
Me: Hello fat, I see you are still here
Fat: I'm always here, even when you close your eyes.
Me: That's the problem, I don't want you to be there.
Fat: Then why haven't you put any real effort into getting rid of me. Maybe you need me.
Me: Why would I need you, you make me look and feel awful.
Fat: You need me because then you wouldn't have any excuse to feel sorry for yourself and make excuses. You need someone to blame for all your failings.
Me: Well, I didn't drop out of school because I was fat, did I?
Fat: You sure? You always kept to yourself, in your room. You never went out because you were so self-conscious. You played video games all day, and pretended to be a superhero with amazing muscles. You would day dream what it would be like to actually have visible pectoral muscles, abs, and a butt that can crack walnuts. Yet you never did anything about it.
Me: Maybe you're right, but you were there constantly reminding me how pathetic I was.
Fat: No, *you* were always telling yourself how pathetic you were. You could have gone to the gym and taken care of me a long time ago. Hell, you even had a friend try to coach and motivate you to jog with him. Yet you gave up because it got hard. At the first sign of difficulty you give up.
Me: I haven't always given up, I'm trying to improve now aren't I?
Fat: For now, but in another week you'll just be sitting on your ass with your hand buried in a bag of chips saying to yourself "I should get to the gym". But you won't because you think you should start on the First of the Month or something like that.
Me: I can't help it if I like fresh starts. Although, I feel I've tried to make many starts without actually following through to the ending.
Fat: And you blame it all on me?
Me: Well, you certainly don't help you know?
Fat: So what will you do about it? You even have an open bag of Quaker Oats Rice Snacks on your desk right now. You ate after 10 o'clock the other night. In fact you are procrastinating about going to the gym right now. You went yesterday and the day before, what about today? What about tomorrow for that matter or next week?
Me: I guess I'm just hesitant.
Fat: What are you hesitant about?
Me: I'm hesitant that if I do get rid of you, I won't look as good as I think I should. I won't be happy and get depressed and find you all over again.
Fat: You shouldn't be scared of that, that's stupid to say. As far as looking as good as you think, perhaps you should just be happy with being healthy and actually fitting into those clothes you've always wanted.
Me: I guess you're right.
Fat: I'm part of you Scott, I'll always be at the back of your mind. You'll never lose me. I'm probably the only real friend you've had over the years. I've protected you from love and the hurt that comes with it, I've protected you from becoming egotistical and prickish.
Me: Yes, I may never really get rid of you. I'll always remember you even if I do achieve my goals. But I won't let you back if I can help it. I am going to the gym tonight after work. I want to see how well I feel when I do. I'm sick of making excuses like "Well, I'll just feel tired if I do" before I even try.
Fat: That's the spirit tubby, do this for you. Hell, you may even be able to go out to a public swimming pool next summer. Get a tan on the pasty skin of yours.
Me: There is no need to be mean Fat.
Fat: I'm not mean, I'm just treating you like you treat yourself.
Me: You're right, we need to stop that mindset.
Fat: Yes we do. It will be hard to do, you've thought that way ever since we can both remember. Good luck fatso. Now I'm going to go back to making you think of cheesecake and potato chips.
Me: You may make me think of them Fat, but I'm the one who would have to eat them. I'm not going to let you control me anymore.
Fat: Hah! We'll see, we'll see.
Fin
Me: Hello fat, I see you are still here
Fat: I'm always here, even when you close your eyes.
Me: That's the problem, I don't want you to be there.
Fat: Then why haven't you put any real effort into getting rid of me. Maybe you need me.
Me: Why would I need you, you make me look and feel awful.
Fat: You need me because then you wouldn't have any excuse to feel sorry for yourself and make excuses. You need someone to blame for all your failings.
Me: Well, I didn't drop out of school because I was fat, did I?
Fat: You sure? You always kept to yourself, in your room. You never went out because you were so self-conscious. You played video games all day, and pretended to be a superhero with amazing muscles. You would day dream what it would be like to actually have visible pectoral muscles, abs, and a butt that can crack walnuts. Yet you never did anything about it.
Me: Maybe you're right, but you were there constantly reminding me how pathetic I was.
Fat: No, *you* were always telling yourself how pathetic you were. You could have gone to the gym and taken care of me a long time ago. Hell, you even had a friend try to coach and motivate you to jog with him. Yet you gave up because it got hard. At the first sign of difficulty you give up.
Me: I haven't always given up, I'm trying to improve now aren't I?
Fat: For now, but in another week you'll just be sitting on your ass with your hand buried in a bag of chips saying to yourself "I should get to the gym". But you won't because you think you should start on the First of the Month or something like that.
Me: I can't help it if I like fresh starts. Although, I feel I've tried to make many starts without actually following through to the ending.
Fat: And you blame it all on me?
Me: Well, you certainly don't help you know?
Fat: So what will you do about it? You even have an open bag of Quaker Oats Rice Snacks on your desk right now. You ate after 10 o'clock the other night. In fact you are procrastinating about going to the gym right now. You went yesterday and the day before, what about today? What about tomorrow for that matter or next week?
Me: I guess I'm just hesitant.
Fat: What are you hesitant about?
Me: I'm hesitant that if I do get rid of you, I won't look as good as I think I should. I won't be happy and get depressed and find you all over again.
Fat: You shouldn't be scared of that, that's stupid to say. As far as looking as good as you think, perhaps you should just be happy with being healthy and actually fitting into those clothes you've always wanted.
Me: I guess you're right.
Fat: I'm part of you Scott, I'll always be at the back of your mind. You'll never lose me. I'm probably the only real friend you've had over the years. I've protected you from love and the hurt that comes with it, I've protected you from becoming egotistical and prickish.
Me: Yes, I may never really get rid of you. I'll always remember you even if I do achieve my goals. But I won't let you back if I can help it. I am going to the gym tonight after work. I want to see how well I feel when I do. I'm sick of making excuses like "Well, I'll just feel tired if I do" before I even try.
Fat: That's the spirit tubby, do this for you. Hell, you may even be able to go out to a public swimming pool next summer. Get a tan on the pasty skin of yours.
Me: There is no need to be mean Fat.
Fat: I'm not mean, I'm just treating you like you treat yourself.
Me: You're right, we need to stop that mindset.
Fat: Yes we do. It will be hard to do, you've thought that way ever since we can both remember. Good luck fatso. Now I'm going to go back to making you think of cheesecake and potato chips.
Me: You may make me think of them Fat, but I'm the one who would have to eat them. I'm not going to let you control me anymore.
Fat: Hah! We'll see, we'll see.
Fin
Friday, February 19, 2010
Trusty Machete
Ever since I can remember, I've played video games, from Super Mario World to Left 4 Dead. They have been a friend and foe throughout my gaming career. I've come to realize that I have an addictive personality, and have been trying to cut back.
My favorite game that I've ever played is City of Heroes. The community alone and the friends I made were worth the 15 dollars a month. It allowed me to be creative and to be a hero that I'd always imagined being, even more so that Dungeons and Dragons allowed me to do. I got to see my hero fly around, wear a cape, and smack baddies with energy rays, vine tendrils, fists, or a scream. Better yet I was able to do it with other people who were fun, funny and helpful.
However, it was my obsession with City of Heroes that caused my failure at college. I have no ill will towards Crypic/Paragon Studios for making a great game, none. I should have quit while I was ahead. I spent hours a day, avoided class, classmates, and experiences. This was all five years ago. Yet after five years, finally do I admit this on an open forum. After a year or so of CoH, I went on to World of Warcraft, and then back to CoH, then to WoW, and then back to CoH. A vicious circle for me. Both fun games, who deserve no blame towards people changing their lives over. People change their own lives.
I have slowly begun to regulate my game playing. I haven't been subscribed to City of Heroes for months. They're having a new expansion coming out, and yes I'll support them, buy it and reup for another month to play and see Paragon Studios work. I praise them. I'll see my friends in game again, and I'll have fun. However, I know I have alot of work to do. So, before I even think of subscribing again, I am going to make sure I fullfill those goals that I set forth a few days ago.
Steam, a gaming program, allows you to track the amount of time you play games through it. The past two weeks I've played 13 hours of Left 4 Dead 2, so roughly under an hour a day on average, which isn't too bad I don't think. It is, in my mind, a big cut back from what I used to do (three or four a day). Small steps.... small, teensy steps.
Now then, to cut the M:tG problem, after which this blog takes its theme...
Also hungry ::sigh::
My favorite game that I've ever played is City of Heroes. The community alone and the friends I made were worth the 15 dollars a month. It allowed me to be creative and to be a hero that I'd always imagined being, even more so that Dungeons and Dragons allowed me to do. I got to see my hero fly around, wear a cape, and smack baddies with energy rays, vine tendrils, fists, or a scream. Better yet I was able to do it with other people who were fun, funny and helpful.
However, it was my obsession with City of Heroes that caused my failure at college. I have no ill will towards Crypic/Paragon Studios for making a great game, none. I should have quit while I was ahead. I spent hours a day, avoided class, classmates, and experiences. This was all five years ago. Yet after five years, finally do I admit this on an open forum. After a year or so of CoH, I went on to World of Warcraft, and then back to CoH, then to WoW, and then back to CoH. A vicious circle for me. Both fun games, who deserve no blame towards people changing their lives over. People change their own lives.
I have slowly begun to regulate my game playing. I haven't been subscribed to City of Heroes for months. They're having a new expansion coming out, and yes I'll support them, buy it and reup for another month to play and see Paragon Studios work. I praise them. I'll see my friends in game again, and I'll have fun. However, I know I have alot of work to do. So, before I even think of subscribing again, I am going to make sure I fullfill those goals that I set forth a few days ago.
Steam, a gaming program, allows you to track the amount of time you play games through it. The past two weeks I've played 13 hours of Left 4 Dead 2, so roughly under an hour a day on average, which isn't too bad I don't think. It is, in my mind, a big cut back from what I used to do (three or four a day). Small steps.... small, teensy steps.
Now then, to cut the M:tG problem, after which this blog takes its theme...
Also hungry ::sigh::
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Depths
So I purchased a book a week ago called "Why Weight?: A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating" by Geneen Roth. I've read through the first chapter and done almost all of the excersizes that are listed. The last one, however, requires us to have a discussoin with our Fat, a dialogue if you will.
It might be productive, or it may be lame. Either way I'll post it on here for all two of you to read and enjoy.
Also, Robot Chicken is marvelous.
Also, also took some anti-acids and my cravings for food are diminished this late in the night.
It might be productive, or it may be lame. Either way I'll post it on here for all two of you to read and enjoy.
Also, Robot Chicken is marvelous.
Also, also took some anti-acids and my cravings for food are diminished this late in the night.
Upkeep
Let's face it, I've been failing at the endeavours I've outlined a few weeks ago. I always seem to slide back into the "status quo" of apathy. Tonight on my way back from gaming with friends, I realized I had just spent almost twenty dollars on cards I hardly use, fourteen dollars on junk food I didn't need, and I didn't go to the gym today.
As a matter of fact, I've not been to the gym in two weeks. I realise and I know that I brought this on myself. In the last four days I've binged myself on two bags of Doritos, after not having any for the last three months, a box of Swiss Rolls in two sittings, a box of Nutty Bars while I was eating the Swiss Rolls, three of the half-sized bag of Kettle Chips.
I had to verbally say "No" to myself all the way home, this was in reaction to me thinking about eating the left over junkfood (deep fried chinese take-out) that was in the back seat. Even now I'm thinking about saying "I'll stop eating after 10 tomorrow" which I've said everyday since February 1st. I hate the fact that I've gotten into these habits.
I have a long bagging shift tomorrow at work, so I wont' be going to the gym then. However, I am off on Friday and Saturday so I have no excuse then. I like going to the gym, but the thing I think that gets me to not go is the fact that I have to get a "gym outfit" together and make sure it's clean. The dumbest excuse right? I just wish I had a way that I could be reported on and be accountable to someone other than myself.
I mean, I have like four pairs of gym shorts and a few shirts I can wear. However, alot of them are short, which means if I bend over, skin is exposed in places I don't want people to see. Again dumb excuse. I have ONE pair of jeans that I wear. Just one that I can fit into. Whenever I wear jeans it's these, and they get washed alot. They're broken in a comfortable. I have five other pairs of jeans sitting in my dresser that I can't fit into. They are currently stacked on top of each other going from biggest to smallest. I set a dusty, cobb webbed goal of hopefully fitting into the other pairs one day. I have maybe four shirts that I can fit into, and they are showing age and dingyness. I have a whole closet filled with clothing I can't fit into. Some of my clothes I have NEVER been able to fit into because I bought them in the hopes to lose weight.
I feel pathetic. I have so many goals to meet, and I have made progress on nothing.
Scratch that, I haven't eaten anything after 10. If I can go for a whole week with out doing this, then I won't get automatic hunger pangs. My body is so used to digesting at this late hour, I know it willl go away when I stop.
Goals by June
1) Plant a Garden: Just a few herbs to start with maybe, get a begginer's guide or something.
2) Learn a little about playing the Piano: My grandmother bought me a piano back in high school I never learned to play it before she died, one of my biggest regrets. And even have starting books too, shame on me.
3) Take up French again: I used to do alright in French, and I'd like to polish it up a bit more.
4) Adjust eating habits for the better: No eating after 10, and more fruits and veggies, nothing that comes in a bag who's name ends in "Ritos"
5) Reach size 44 waist: When I start going to the gym more, and adjust my eating habbits as outlined above, I'm sure this goal will fall in place.
Let the game's begin...
As a matter of fact, I've not been to the gym in two weeks. I realise and I know that I brought this on myself. In the last four days I've binged myself on two bags of Doritos, after not having any for the last three months, a box of Swiss Rolls in two sittings, a box of Nutty Bars while I was eating the Swiss Rolls, three of the half-sized bag of Kettle Chips.
I had to verbally say "No" to myself all the way home, this was in reaction to me thinking about eating the left over junkfood (deep fried chinese take-out) that was in the back seat. Even now I'm thinking about saying "I'll stop eating after 10 tomorrow" which I've said everyday since February 1st. I hate the fact that I've gotten into these habits.
I have a long bagging shift tomorrow at work, so I wont' be going to the gym then. However, I am off on Friday and Saturday so I have no excuse then. I like going to the gym, but the thing I think that gets me to not go is the fact that I have to get a "gym outfit" together and make sure it's clean. The dumbest excuse right? I just wish I had a way that I could be reported on and be accountable to someone other than myself.
I mean, I have like four pairs of gym shorts and a few shirts I can wear. However, alot of them are short, which means if I bend over, skin is exposed in places I don't want people to see. Again dumb excuse. I have ONE pair of jeans that I wear. Just one that I can fit into. Whenever I wear jeans it's these, and they get washed alot. They're broken in a comfortable. I have five other pairs of jeans sitting in my dresser that I can't fit into. They are currently stacked on top of each other going from biggest to smallest. I set a dusty, cobb webbed goal of hopefully fitting into the other pairs one day. I have maybe four shirts that I can fit into, and they are showing age and dingyness. I have a whole closet filled with clothing I can't fit into. Some of my clothes I have NEVER been able to fit into because I bought them in the hopes to lose weight.
I feel pathetic. I have so many goals to meet, and I have made progress on nothing.
Scratch that, I haven't eaten anything after 10. If I can go for a whole week with out doing this, then I won't get automatic hunger pangs. My body is so used to digesting at this late hour, I know it willl go away when I stop.
Goals by June
1) Plant a Garden: Just a few herbs to start with maybe, get a begginer's guide or something.
2) Learn a little about playing the Piano: My grandmother bought me a piano back in high school I never learned to play it before she died, one of my biggest regrets. And even have starting books too, shame on me.
3) Take up French again: I used to do alright in French, and I'd like to polish it up a bit more.
4) Adjust eating habits for the better: No eating after 10, and more fruits and veggies, nothing that comes in a bag who's name ends in "Ritos"
5) Reach size 44 waist: When I start going to the gym more, and adjust my eating habbits as outlined above, I'm sure this goal will fall in place.
Let the game's begin...
Monday, February 8, 2010
Untap...
So far the endeavor has not been as fruitful as it could be. Also I hear there will be a large amount of snow tomorrow or Wednesday. Alright, we must dedicate ourselves!
I must get myself in motion!
I must get myself in motion!
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