Upkeep

Let's face it, I've been failing at the endeavours I've outlined a few weeks ago. I always seem to slide back into the "status quo" of apathy. Tonight on my way back from gaming with friends, I realized I had just spent almost twenty dollars on cards I hardly use, fourteen dollars on junk food I didn't need, and I didn't go to the gym today.

As a matter of fact, I've not been to the gym in two weeks. I realise and I know that I brought this on myself. In the last four days I've binged myself on two bags of Doritos, after not having any for the last three months, a box of Swiss Rolls in two sittings, a box of Nutty Bars while I was eating the Swiss Rolls, three of the half-sized bag of Kettle Chips.

I had to verbally say "No" to myself all the way home, this was in reaction to me thinking about eating the left over junkfood (deep fried chinese take-out) that was in the back seat. Even now I'm thinking about saying "I'll stop eating after 10 tomorrow" which I've said everyday since February 1st. I hate the fact that I've gotten into these habits.

I have a long bagging shift tomorrow at work, so I wont' be going to the gym then. However, I am off on Friday and Saturday so I have no excuse then. I like going to the gym, but the thing I think that gets me to not go is the fact that I have to get a "gym outfit" together and make sure it's clean. The dumbest excuse right? I just wish I had a way that I could be reported on and be accountable to someone other than myself.

I mean, I have like four pairs of gym shorts and a few shirts I can wear. However, alot of them are short, which means if I bend over, skin is exposed in places I don't want people to see. Again dumb excuse. I have ONE pair of jeans that I wear. Just one that I can fit into. Whenever I wear jeans it's these, and they get washed alot. They're broken in a comfortable. I have five other pairs of jeans sitting in my dresser that I can't fit into. They are currently stacked on top of each other going from biggest to smallest. I set a dusty, cobb webbed goal of hopefully fitting into the other pairs one day. I have maybe four shirts that I can fit into, and they are showing age and dingyness. I have a whole closet filled with clothing I can't fit into. Some of my clothes I have NEVER been able to fit into because I bought them in the hopes to lose weight.

I feel pathetic. I have so many goals to meet, and I have made progress on nothing.

Scratch that, I haven't eaten anything after 10. If I can go for a whole week with out doing this, then I won't get automatic hunger pangs. My body is so used to digesting at this late hour, I know it willl go away when I stop.

Goals by June
1) Plant a Garden: Just a few herbs to start with maybe, get a begginer's guide or something.

2) Learn a little about playing the Piano: My grandmother bought me a piano back in high school I never learned to play it before she died, one of my biggest regrets. And even have starting books too, shame on me.

3) Take up French again: I used to do alright in French, and I'd like to polish it up a bit more.

4) Adjust eating habits for the better: No eating after 10, and more fruits and veggies, nothing that comes in a bag who's name ends in "Ritos"

5) Reach size 44 waist: When I start going to the gym more, and adjust my eating habbits as outlined above, I'm sure this goal will fall in place.

Let the game's begin...