Soul's Majesty

As I've posted before, I admit to being someone who procrastinates. A lot. However, I have yet to really delve into the reason about why I do. My only thought is that I don't wish to fail at whatever I attempt. This is foolish because I know I am smart, clever, and resourceful. I know I can achieve the goals I set forth because I can.

Today I had a serious session at the gym. I didn't wimp out on the elliptical machine, although I had to do my weight exercises from memory as I didn't have my sheet with me. However, I did full sets and reps and I felt very good. I like the feeling that the gym gives me. I'm tired, sweaty, but I feel accomplished. I know I can continue, I just need to make sure I consistently go.

The consistency of my inconsistency has been a very large blemish on my overall character. Thankfully, I've come to accept that that was the past me and I'm working to resolve it. Hell, I'm 26 years old and still living at home working at a job that quite frankly isn't going anywhere. I need to get my life in order.

This "new beginning" is very much similar to the steps a player takes during his turn in the game Magic: The Gathering, (a game I used to help name this blog).

Step 1: Untap - In this the player resets all of his cards into a "Ready" phase. I feel that slowly I am untapping myself and my potential. I'm getting prepared for the many decisions I am going to be faced with as I grow up out of this extended adolescence.

Step 2: Upkeep - During this phase of the player takes care of small abilities of spells, creatures and artifacts (gaining life, making tokens, etc). For me this represents solving current issues with finances, weight and fitness, and overall career aspects.

Step 3: Draw - The player then draws a card from his deck and puts it into his hand. I am slowly drawing conclusions and making plans about what I want to do with myself. Setting forth goals and hopefully meeting them.

There are other steps (pre-combat main phase, combat phase, post-combat main phase, end step) but I just wanted to draw some metaphor from these first few basics.

My hand is spread out in front of me, my future sitting there like a deck of cards. I know I may get mana screwed, I may even have to discard previous assumptions about what I wanted; but I will finish this game. I will, and I'll do my best.

Come Jokulhaups or Wrath of God.

Gathering Specimens

Once again, I've decided to try venturing into the world of fitness and health. This time, however, I met with a very nice personal trainer who helped to set me up with a routine to start with.

Over the last four or so years I've had memberships to three different gym facilities. Those memberships have been one after the other; and there really hasn't been a month that goes by without my checking account seeing a payment to the gym I was and am a member of. My experiences with each have been vastly different. Hopefully this recent venture back will be much better than my last. The last four years, I've maybe gone to the gym a total of two months combined.

In the spring of 2006, almost a year after coming home from Indiana University, I realized I had gained almost 75lbs. I decided to make a commitment and get a gym membership. So, I went to American Health Fitness. With two locations, one had a pool and a steam room and the other just had a steam room, I figured I would be able to go regularly. I even invested in a personal trainer.

I don't remember his name, he was nice, and kind of short. About two weeks into our meetings, however, he left for a job in Indianapolis. I had been abandoned, which caused me to feel fat and depressed. So I stopped going. A few months later, I got the gumption to return to the regime and inquired if there was another trainer available to help me. Indeed there was.

This time it was a very hunky firefighter who did personal training as a second job. He was very macho, muscular, blonde and over all sexy. Which is intimidating and (me being gay) made me tantalized and a little uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in the sense that, if my eyes lingered too long he might realize he was training a gay and maybe beat me up. Irrational; yes. So, again I stopped going.

Well, it was a year after I signed up to the gym and I decided not to renew. Instead a new gym was opening up in my hometown (New Haven, IN). So, I signed up there. It was a small, locally owned affair with one side all cardio and the other all free weights and weight machines. The hours, were bothersome, especially weekends (Sundays they were only open for 4 or 5 hours). I tried to go regularly, but seeing people I knew was a little off-putting. So I stopped, but continued to pay. Another year went by and once again I decided not to renew my contract.

Then I got a job that promised to go places (which didn't and eventually led me to my current position). Next to the office building there was a gym "Anytime Fitness"; perhaps you've heard of it. They're all across the country and the great thing is, you can go anytime. This as you can imagine spreads out the gym population around the whole clock. So, at anytime you could go and there may only be a handful of people around.

I got a trainer to show me around and to put together a routine for me. The initial gentleman was very uninterested in talking and only showed me a routine. He was a scrawny thing and I barely remember him. But for a while I was doing his routine. It seemed to go well. Then again something caused me to stop going.

Yesterday they had a special "30 minutes for $10" with a personal trainer. My trainer's name was P. A fit, shorter gentleman mid to late 30's. Quite handsome and he actually seemed quite earnest while he talked with me. I had met him a few weeks prior when I decided to go and switch locations. One thing that puzzled me though, he mentioned that a client of his knew me from when I used to work at The Olive Garden. I nodded it off but then I wondered how he found that out. I had only met him once before and that was with no one I knew around.

I think my big problem is that I expect goals to happen right away. I've come to accept that this will never be the case. So, after many months of not going. I'm putting my foot down. As I have designs on a relationship in the future and not succumbing to the obese tendancies that my genes can dictate; I need to lose this weight.

Not to mention I have a whole closet full of clothes I would like to wear again. . .

I just need to keep my motivation. Maybe if I go when P is working it might be easier. Seeing a friendly, honest person there (who isn't just after my money for training sessions) would be helpful.

Scandalmonger (or Judi Dench Said the "F Word")

Judi Dench said the F word? It's more likely than you think. Recently I just watched a delightful movie call "Mrs. Henderson Presents". It is about a rich widow who, with nothing better to do, purchases a theatre and decides to show nude women en tableau. Bob Hoskins is also charming as the impresario who is chosen to direct the shows. All of this takes place around the mid to early 1940's in war torn London. If you have not seen it, or even heard of it, I recommend it for your next rental or Netflics do-dad thing.

Yes, it has been months and months and months since I've posted anything. I had gotten off to such a good start too. Well to tell the truth, shortly after the last post I had had an series of interviews and competency tests for a job which would have been great to get. I was amped and pumped and psyched and all those lovely words to get the job, which didn't happen. Rest assured I was still "on file for future openings". Yeah, sure I am.

Anyway, I vowed myself to go to the gym and afterward post on my blog. That turned into, tomorrow. Which turned into a week, a month, then almost seven months. Seven months, over half a year against wasted on feeling sorry for myself and spend on moping. I had also re-upped my subscription to City of Heroes, but thankfully I hadn't been playing as much as I expected.

However, now I'm in school *again*. I am doing rather well, despite my own intellectual misgivings. Math, while slightly remedial, is something I've needed to get my brain out of it's slump. It's as if the variables, equations, answers are helping to exercise long dormant parts of my brain. I am also in a medical terminology course that I seem to be falling a little behind in, despite the fact that I'm making the effort to study. We'll just keep trying.

Mana Cylix

So today was the first day of this new year of my "Full Workout". This entails me doing cardio and weight training. I actually had a great deal of fun. I got on the elliptical for a little over thirty minutes, did my upper body strength training for another 30, and then got back on the elliptical for 30 more minutes. I felt really good.

Also I have a workout sheet, that I'll be gradually filling out this month. At the bottom of each day (column) I'll have the gym attendant initial to say "Yes, he's been here.". It's just a small way to validate that I am making a change. I hope this works out. I have 100lbs I need to cut down by. I know I can do it!

Weight: 325.5 Goal: 225lbs

I gained some from last month, but only a pound. I didn't exercise much at all, so I was surprised that I only gained a tiny bit. Must not put things off.

Stomach: 53.5" Goal: ABS!
Waist: 47.5" Goal: 36"
Hips: 53.5 Goal: 36-38" (firm and sexy)

Edit: Woohoo! Two Pages!

Untap...

So far the endeavor has not been as fruitful as it could be. Also I hear there will be a large amount of snow tomorrow or Wednesday. Alright, we must dedicate ourselves!

I must get myself in motion!

First Turn, Mana Screwed

Well, I've been subscribed here to Blogger.com for well over a month; and this is my first entry. While, I did have a LiveJournal years ago, I hardly ever posted in that either. I certianly hope this endeavour is much more productive.

Speaking of productivity, I've not been very active socially, economicaly, physically or even mentally. This year, 2010, I hope to fix everything about that previous statement. It may take a while, and the steps will not be very big at first. I'll get frustrated, depressed, and disappointed I'm sure, but I need to focus on the successes.

A friend of mine on here has a blog ("Are There Any More Cookies", I'm sure you can find it somewhere to the left. He is a very amusing person, and his take on life and his observations have always cracked a smile. Anyway, more to the point, he takes pictures and often posts them in his entries. I would like to take a lief from his book and do the same, probably not with his frequency however.

I'm in the process of losing weight and getting into a better shape other than "Pear". We'll see how this goes. At the end of the posts, I'll just keep a brief virtual record of this process as well. Also any books I've finished or small projects I've completed. Let the games begin!

Weight: 324lbs Goal: 225lbs
Stomach: 54" Goal: To See Abs
Waist: 49.5" Goal: 36"
Hips: 55" Goal: Not Ghetto-Booty (bubble is fine)
Books Read: "I'm a Stranger Here Myself" Bill Bryson