Soul's Majesty

As I've posted before, I admit to being someone who procrastinates. A lot. However, I have yet to really delve into the reason about why I do. My only thought is that I don't wish to fail at whatever I attempt. This is foolish because I know I am smart, clever, and resourceful. I know I can achieve the goals I set forth because I can.

Today I had a serious session at the gym. I didn't wimp out on the elliptical machine, although I had to do my weight exercises from memory as I didn't have my sheet with me. However, I did full sets and reps and I felt very good. I like the feeling that the gym gives me. I'm tired, sweaty, but I feel accomplished. I know I can continue, I just need to make sure I consistently go.

The consistency of my inconsistency has been a very large blemish on my overall character. Thankfully, I've come to accept that that was the past me and I'm working to resolve it. Hell, I'm 26 years old and still living at home working at a job that quite frankly isn't going anywhere. I need to get my life in order.

This "new beginning" is very much similar to the steps a player takes during his turn in the game Magic: The Gathering, (a game I used to help name this blog).

Step 1: Untap - In this the player resets all of his cards into a "Ready" phase. I feel that slowly I am untapping myself and my potential. I'm getting prepared for the many decisions I am going to be faced with as I grow up out of this extended adolescence.

Step 2: Upkeep - During this phase of the player takes care of small abilities of spells, creatures and artifacts (gaining life, making tokens, etc). For me this represents solving current issues with finances, weight and fitness, and overall career aspects.

Step 3: Draw - The player then draws a card from his deck and puts it into his hand. I am slowly drawing conclusions and making plans about what I want to do with myself. Setting forth goals and hopefully meeting them.

There are other steps (pre-combat main phase, combat phase, post-combat main phase, end step) but I just wanted to draw some metaphor from these first few basics.

My hand is spread out in front of me, my future sitting there like a deck of cards. I know I may get mana screwed, I may even have to discard previous assumptions about what I wanted; but I will finish this game. I will, and I'll do my best.

Come Jokulhaups or Wrath of God.

Upkeep

Let's face it, I've been failing at the endeavours I've outlined a few weeks ago. I always seem to slide back into the "status quo" of apathy. Tonight on my way back from gaming with friends, I realized I had just spent almost twenty dollars on cards I hardly use, fourteen dollars on junk food I didn't need, and I didn't go to the gym today.

As a matter of fact, I've not been to the gym in two weeks. I realise and I know that I brought this on myself. In the last four days I've binged myself on two bags of Doritos, after not having any for the last three months, a box of Swiss Rolls in two sittings, a box of Nutty Bars while I was eating the Swiss Rolls, three of the half-sized bag of Kettle Chips.

I had to verbally say "No" to myself all the way home, this was in reaction to me thinking about eating the left over junkfood (deep fried chinese take-out) that was in the back seat. Even now I'm thinking about saying "I'll stop eating after 10 tomorrow" which I've said everyday since February 1st. I hate the fact that I've gotten into these habits.

I have a long bagging shift tomorrow at work, so I wont' be going to the gym then. However, I am off on Friday and Saturday so I have no excuse then. I like going to the gym, but the thing I think that gets me to not go is the fact that I have to get a "gym outfit" together and make sure it's clean. The dumbest excuse right? I just wish I had a way that I could be reported on and be accountable to someone other than myself.

I mean, I have like four pairs of gym shorts and a few shirts I can wear. However, alot of them are short, which means if I bend over, skin is exposed in places I don't want people to see. Again dumb excuse. I have ONE pair of jeans that I wear. Just one that I can fit into. Whenever I wear jeans it's these, and they get washed alot. They're broken in a comfortable. I have five other pairs of jeans sitting in my dresser that I can't fit into. They are currently stacked on top of each other going from biggest to smallest. I set a dusty, cobb webbed goal of hopefully fitting into the other pairs one day. I have maybe four shirts that I can fit into, and they are showing age and dingyness. I have a whole closet filled with clothing I can't fit into. Some of my clothes I have NEVER been able to fit into because I bought them in the hopes to lose weight.

I feel pathetic. I have so many goals to meet, and I have made progress on nothing.

Scratch that, I haven't eaten anything after 10. If I can go for a whole week with out doing this, then I won't get automatic hunger pangs. My body is so used to digesting at this late hour, I know it willl go away when I stop.

Goals by June
1) Plant a Garden: Just a few herbs to start with maybe, get a begginer's guide or something.

2) Learn a little about playing the Piano: My grandmother bought me a piano back in high school I never learned to play it before she died, one of my biggest regrets. And even have starting books too, shame on me.

3) Take up French again: I used to do alright in French, and I'd like to polish it up a bit more.

4) Adjust eating habits for the better: No eating after 10, and more fruits and veggies, nothing that comes in a bag who's name ends in "Ritos"

5) Reach size 44 waist: When I start going to the gym more, and adjust my eating habbits as outlined above, I'm sure this goal will fall in place.

Let the game's begin...